Holiday Humour – warning. sense of humour required.

Over the holidays I had a long car ride and was getting tired of all the christmas songs. Toward the end I think I started getting a little tired because I started changing some of the words. It was very therapeutic because sometimes you just have to laugh
Here are some of my revamped gems.

‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.. Becomes, I’m beginning to feel a lot like fuck this…

And that snow patrol song from Greys Anatomy. ‘ if I lay here, and forget that you’re queer, would you lie with me and forget that I’m a girl…’

O come ye unfaithful, come out of the closet…

God rest ye merry gentlemen….
I know my ex likes gentlemen, it caused me such dismay. But be warned if you ask him, he says that he’s not gay

Silent night
Silent night, lonely night, spouse is far out of sight. Went to Home Depot 3 hours ago. Said it was for some wood, boy don’t I know.

For the guys… I saw mommy kissing Mrs. Claus, way back in the closet last night.

John Lennon’s Happy Christmas
So this is christmas
And daddy likes cock
So just bend him over
While the family’s in shock

And so this Christmas
Oh look kids a crumb
We’ll all have to share it
‘cause dad likes it up the bum

A very merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Lets hope is a good one
Though daddy is queer

And so this is Christmas
No presents we’re broke
You can blame your father
Escorts are no joke

And so merry Christmas
It all black and white
On this credit card statement
yet somehow he still lies

A Very merry Christmas
And happy new year
One more vial of blood
To stop STI fear

And so this is Christmas
And what else has dad done
Hey wait, just don’t tell me
Ya fuck it Im done

And so merry Christmas
We hope you have fun
Gay, lesbian, bi, queer or pan
But hey if your married sure, hope the truth’s in your plan

Lies are over
Cock you want it
Lies are over now

Little drummer Boy
Straight they told us par rum pun pum pum,
We should have seen the signs how dumb dumb dumb dumb…
But hey we’re not alone familee is such fun fun fun fun
So every October we meet and drink rum rum rum rum rum, rum rum rum.

Away in a Manger
Away in a bathhouse with some guy name Fred
My liar of a husband is giving some head

Last Christmas
Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day found out you were gay. This year to save me from tears I’ll drink Johnny Walker special

Christmas Time -Alvin and the Chipmunks
Christmas Christmas time is here
The triggers they are everywhere
Claims (s)he’s straight but it won’t last
Hurry Christmas be over fast

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Grandma were not married now cause he’s queer,
I’m Walking home from therapy alone
You can say their no such thing as Kinsey
But as for me and familee we believe

Do you hear what I hear?
Said the straight spouse to the closeted,
Denial is what I hear, denial is what hear
Said the closeted spouse to the straight
hey you know I’m not queer’ hey you know I’m not queer.
A thong a thong, mixed up in the sheets that I’ve never seen before…

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Oh I want a heterosexual for Christmas
Only a heterosexual will do
No more denial or lying liar pants
I only want a straight taking off my pants